Here are a few mchongoanos. Latest for 2015 lol


Girlfriend yako ni fala, ye humeza orbit na glass na maji ka dawa.

Unapenda pesa, Uli ulizwa green inastand for nini kwa bendera ya Kenya ukasema MPESA,

Una kichwa bigi we huvaa leso ka bandana.

Top 10 Mchongoanos that will get you laughing

Here are some funny 'Mchongoanos' for those who like to 'chongoana' with friends, online or wherever.

1. Una kichwa kubwa ukisimama katikati ya post mbili, watu wanadhani ni transformer.
2. Una macho red, ukiangalia nyanya sana, inaiva.
3. Kwenu muko wengi, mbuyu wenu humwaga chai kwa mattress, alafu munambiwa munyonye.
4. Una mdomo bigi, we hutafuna maembe kama njugu.
5. Naskia uligongwa na gari ya Trust Condoms, badala kuskia uchungu, uka-mbao.
6. Siku yako ya kwanza kubuy gazei uliweka cover.
7. Baba yako anajua kuriendesha gari, lakini hajui kubebana.
8. Kwenu nyi wengi, buda yako aki come, ye huwasalimia "my fellow Kenyans".
9. Nyumba yenu ni ya matope, hadi waizi waki come wao husema, fungua ama tukojole.
10. Nyumba yenu ni ya manyasi, hadi waizi wakicome, wao husema, fungua ama tulete mbuzi.

Old skul Mchongoano: WARNING: Language may be unsavoury.

Remember those very old skul mchongoanos you used in primary school:-

Matako juju 'sasa'(kama) break ya honda.("Those dayz -early 90's- Honda motorcycles were very commonplace.")
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When someone calls you "Mbwa hii!", You reply, "mi ni mbwa niliumbwa we ni paka ulipakwa mavi" YIKES!. The guy replying the original insult would be so bitter its not even funny.
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"Dame yako havaangi unda(underpants)". I dont know why we thought that was funny.

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Cucu yako ni mzee mpaka anazaa wazee.

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Ebu update me of the ones you remember.

Tisha VS Student.

MWAlimu: tunga sentensi ukitumia neno ukurasa.
MWAnafunzi: mwalimu aliandika kwa ubao uku rasa ikitingika.....hahahaha!


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Mwalimu: tunga sentensi ukitumia neno jumamosi.
student: otieno usiwase hiyo jiko juu mamosi watajaa kwa nyumba hehehehe


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Mwalimu: tunga sentensi ukitumia neno Kuja.
Mwanafunzi: Wakati mwalimu alikuwa ananiogeresha niriona akiagaria matiti yangu hapo basi nika kuja mikono yagu kuzizuia.

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icc beckoning

H ---- Henry Kosgei
A --- Arap Sang Joshua
G --- General Hussein Ali
U --- Uhuru Kenyatta
E --- Eldoret North MP William Ruto

Massai VS Cupid.

Dunga mimi na hizo mshale na utajua mimi ni nani.